my life story
by BornInaBoom
Summary: My name is Isabella Marie Swan… I am human… I will always be human… and probably soon a very dead human…. a story about how sisterly love can help you get away from your personal Hell. This is my first fanfic, please be gentle but honest.It isn't a Rosalie/Bella pairing
1. Chapter 1

Day X

My name is Isabella Marie Swan…

That's what I keep repeating myself again and again

My name is Isabella Marie Swan… I am human… I will always be human… and probably soon a very dead human….

Since he left, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't focus, and the worse is I cannot forget_ him_!

Sometimes my mind is clearer, and I just wish I had never met him.

But most part of the time I just keep thinking of _him_, I keep torturing myself remembering every bit of happiness we had, every moment of bliss I felt, because if there is only one thing that my tortured mind know is that: I cannot forget _Him_, and I don't want to ! If I do forget, last year wouldn't have any sense. Hell, my life would not have any sense; because when I found _him_, I found a part of myself that I actually liked, and I cannot let it go. I suddenly seemed to just fit in the world and now that the feeling is gone, it just kills me!

Don't get me wrong, I am actually a smart girl, well I use to be at least. And I know I should just get over it. I mean I am not the only girl in the world to have been dump by a guy, a person that I considered the love of my life, my first love. Indeed I am not the only one with this feeling. But why I am the only one not recovering?

My name is Isabella Marie Swan, I am human, and this is my story.

I fell in love with a vampire.

I know it sound dramatic, and really it looks like an attended suicide said like that but you have to understand one thing, I felt in love with _him_ and at this moment I am still in love with him.

I met him at school. One look and I was hooked... nearly. It took few days actually, but the result is the same, I was forever in love with him.

The thing is, even with him and the rest of his family being vampire, they are decent people, kinder and wiser than most of the human that I know. They are vegetarian vampire, it means that they don't drink human blood; instead they decided to endure the pain of the burning thirst and only drink animal blood. You see, animal blood is a possible diet but it never end the thirst, it just make it dull during a time. And most parts of them are nearly a century old, so imagined... every day of every year of your existence feeling thirsty, that is pure devotion to human kind!

I just felt right with _them_! His sister was my best friend, his mother was the sweetest person that I know, his father had never ended story, history and fact to tell and the rest of the brotherhood was nice enough to me. That was more than what I hoped for when I first met _them_.

And I was deeply in love with him but I also loved his family. They became mine.

They save me more than once from my own clumsiness or bad luck.

I have been hunt by a psycho and they took care of him, without hesitation or question they protected me as one of them, they were always here for me whenever I needed them, and even if I did not need them, they were still here, available for me.

And then _He_ dumped me! He dumped me, left me in the wood, and disappeared from my life. And he took his family with him. I lost my love, my best friend, my brothers and my adopted parents when he said those words: _we are leaving_.

That is my story. Since then I don't have the power to fight. I lose myself in my memory, because memories are the only things left of him, and if I forget _Him_, I forget _them_ as well. And I can't.


	2. Chapter 2

**Of course I don't own Twilight... **

Day X+1

_My name is Isabella Marie Swan, I am human, I will always be human..._

I say that sentence to my mirror in the bathroom, every morning since He left. Because my mind is numb, because I cannot bear to be called Bella anymore, because I need to remember that before I had a different future and probably for other reasons, but the fog in my brain doesn't allow me to see it yet.

_Bella_ is something from the past; she was a happy girl madly in love with a wonderful boy and an amazing family in law to be.

_I am Isabella Mary Swan_. No short cut, nothing friendly, just a name, my name that I say over and over again. Because that is what is left of me, just a name and nothing else. No dream and ambition, no friend or colleague or brothers or best friend either.

I still have Charlie, he loves me. My dad is like a very soft and warm Blanquette, when everything is good you don't think about it but when you are unwell it is the best thing you can have.

Charlie takes care of me. He tries to make me eat. He tries to soften the nightmares haunting me every night. He is also very worried about me.

Maybe one day it will end, I just pray to not wake up. Every day spend alive is a torture now.

I just sit doing nothing, only trying to remember him, every last details, because it was so good that I cannot let it go. But now when I remember Him, and Them, there is no Joy, only pain... under the numbness that I feel, there is only pain.

Charlie hears me again this morning... I am Isabella Marie Swan... it is my motto.

_I am human_. I could have become a vampire. I would have live with my brothers and sisters; I would have helped my mother to redecorate when we would have moved from place to place. I would have lived happily ever after with my love. I would have been forever 17.

But I won't_. I will always be human_. Until I die.

I know that I will die soon. I can feel the energy leaving my body slowly. I believe it is the effect of the lack of food. I am not fighting. I quit fighting on the floor of the forest few hours after _he_ left. The pain wins. He wins. Maybe few more days, a week or two maximum, and I won't be able to wake up. If only it could come sooner...


	3. Chapter 3

**Again I don't own Twilight, but I did buy the books, and I loved every bits. **

**Thank you ****creativename0**** for the constructive feed-back**

That is an Alice POV

Friday

"Alice...Alice! What did you see?" Rose looked at me quite panicked; I must have blanked longer than usual.

But I did not understand my vision. It was very strange. I needed some more time to think about it. So I lied, lucky for me that Edward wasn't with us!

"It's Ok Rose, nothing important, I just saw the most amazing dress at an auction but I will be too late to acquire it" The lie seem to work as I saw her relax again. I know she had been worried about both her brothers.

How people can still believe that I would be that frantic just for a dress, I mean, if I really wanted it, I would just pay somebody to represent me or, even better, to delay the auction, like that I would have time to arrive...

I know I am a shopaholic, but what my own family does not understand is that it is just a hobby and that I would not feel any fear from it, in any vision, EVER!

They didn't pick up that, since we left Fork I haven't shop at all, nor read a fashion magazine with attention, nor even browse for my favourite designer online! Only Jasper saw it, but didn't say anything. He understood. And few weeks after, he left, saying that he needed some time off far away from us, because he felt so guilty. I told him that I forgave him, that I love him but I guess the tension in the house was too much for an empath like him, he had to get away. So I suggest him to go to Peter and Char's place for a while, I don't want him to be on his own, and I know that Peter will do everything to cheer him up.

Back to my lack of shopping, it is because I just don't feel like it anymore. Each time that I see something nice I imagine how I could convince Bella to wear it, and 2 second after that thought, I remember that I won't have to convince her because she won't be there. I left her behind me, my best friend, my only friend. Apart from my family, I did not have anybody. And then I had _Bella_ and my life took a new level. I had a friend that would have done anything to please me, that found me amazing, and even If she thought me annoying sometimes, she loved me for what I am!

The pain was too much! Without Jasper to smooth me or Edward to talk to, I decided to go and see my sister and brother. Even If I have to bear the sound of their sex games every now and then, I prefer that to solitude. Rosalie and Emmet are nice persons. Of course Rose has her character and it is always better to be on her good side, but which vampire hasn't?

And my vision was about Rose. Or at least I think it was. It was very strange, my vision was in a near future, Rose was dress in black, and seems inconsolable, Emmet by her side, crying, tried to calm her down. Her eyes were full of venom and she was screaming at somebody behind me, that I couldn't see. She just yelled "It is your entire fault. She did not deserve to die!" I didn't know who _she_ was. It wasn't Esmee, thanks god! She was next to me in my vision. She seems very sad as well.

It is not a comforting vision, I mean our family is already grieving the loss of Bella, then Edward left for sometimes (but not before making us promise to NEVER try to contact her), and now Jasper. If it was possible for a vampire, Esmee would have been diagnosed with severe depression; she just lost 3 of her children in few weeks' time. So Carlisle took her to Island Esmee. And now it was just Rose Emmet and I.

Rose never was very fond of Bella so she is the one carrying Emmet and I behind, proposing some exotic trips or some _avant-gardist_ shopping place. Emmet is not much better than I am. He really liked Bella, and he already saw her as his little sister. Now He doesn't joke, or play trick (I don't complain for the last one), and the only thing that cheer him up is bear hunting.

I have been silent for the last 10 minutes, thinking of all that happened in the last few weeks.

"if you really want that dress Alice, we could grab a plane to wherever the auction is and be there on time"

I sight... I have given enough thought and now I need to say the truth. "I am not thinking about my dress Rose, I was thinking about our family"

"Ho! I am so sorry baby sis' I should have known. Do you want to try to call Edward? I know you have been worry about him. Or we could call peter and see how jasper is doing? "

"No, Edward destroyed his phone last Monday I have _seen_ it, and I don't want Jasper to think I am spying on him, he said he needed some time off." I sight "I lied, my vision wasn't about a dress Rose, it was about all of us, but you in particular!

"And what was the vision about then?" now she was a bit pissed that I lied.

"I don't know yet, it was not a happy one, we were all there I think but I could only see you, Emmet and Esmee. We were all very sad, but you, Rose, was the most affected, you was yelling at somebody, I don't know who. Apparently somebody, a woman, is going to die soon and it is a member of our family's fault, or you thought so and told him/her"

"WHAT?" both Rose and Emmet looked at me in disbelief.

And after a silence Emmet asked "you don't think that you owe to call Peter? I mean don't take it the wrong way, but maybe we need to check if Jasper is alright, maybe he is depressed and might slip soon or something..." I shook my head.

"No, I trust him. Plus even if he doesn't stick to the diet, I don't think It would affect us the way I saw it in my vision. For Christ sake Emmet you were crying!"

When I say that, Rose froze "Emmet was crying?"

"Yeah, and you were too Rose, and Esmee seems heartbroken..."

Rose cut me in the middle of my sentence, she grab my arms and Emmet's and run up the stairs, she left us in front of our room and said the most unexpected world " pack your stuff, we are moving in 2 hours"

Emmet look at her and then me in disbelief, "where to?"

Rose smile a sad little smile "Back to Forks" she said and she hurried in her room.

...


	4. Chapter 4

**Please feel free to leave me any review, tell me if you like the story or not, what could have been done better, etcetera.**

Rose POV

The same Friday

As soon as Alice said that Emmet and I cried for somebody's death, I knew who it was...

The only person apart from our family to have an impact in our life for the last 70 years of our existence, the one and only Bella Swan.

Don't give me wrong, of course I have been a b*tch to her, but not because I did not care, on the contrary, it was because I cared too much. I didn't want her to have the same existence of pain and repulsion as us. She had the choice and she was making the wrong one, and I am pretty sure that, would she have become one of us, in a hundred years time, she would have regretted it.

And I did love her like my sister, my baby sister, but with my family all going gooey about her, I had to be the voice of reason. I just hated Edward to put her, and myself, in that situation! We could have been the best friend ever, maybe more than Alice and her, because I am not as manipulative as my sister.

And Emmet was crazy about her. During his human life, he use to have a baby sister, and even if now, our human life is all blurry, he misses the fact to be responsible for the welfare of somebody else, the same way that I miss the fact that we will never have any children.

Bella changed our life, Edward found love and have been less than half the brat that he has been since I know him. Alice found a new Barbie to play with. Esmee had a new daughter that needed more care than us because being human; she could be a real mother with meal, sleeping time and all the rest of the deal that she always wanted. Esmee and Edward being happy, Carlisle was over the moon. Emmet as I said found a new sister, and I secretly found a new sister as well, but one that could make me an aunt, the biggest present in life ever.

I think the only one to suffer from Bella closeness was Jasper. My poor brother had to be always so careful around her that he did not have the chance to know her as much as the rest of us.

It was thinking of all what happened since we met Bella as I packed my bag as quickly as possible, I saw Emmet doing the same, and I could hear Alice in her room as well.

Bella could not die; it would destroy all of us. Edward would die, Esmee is already one inch from a nervous breakdown and her and Carlisle would not survive losing two of their children. Emmet and I would be heartbroken. And I know that Jasper would blame himself for whatever tragic accident happened.

No! I would not witness the end of the Cullen coven without trying everything! I don't know what fate reserved for Bella, but I will fight it!

"Bella swan prepare yourself to live!" I said as we jump in my car Alice following us in her Porsche. "Direction Forks!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks to ****percabeth134**** for the sweet review. Please feel free to review and let me know what you think of it.**

**I still don't own any of the Twilight character **

Day X+2

When I awake this morning, I could still feel the dread of my nightmare. The same that I see every night, the one inspire by reality: when _He_ left me. The worst is that each time that I wake up, I actually think that it is just a nightmare, and after few second I realise, it is all true! The pain hit me full force. He left me in the wood; _they_ all left me without saying goodbye.

My mouth taste like blood, if I had eaten anything yesterday, I would throw up right now! But lucky for me I didn't. My father tried to make me eat some mash potatoes, and I made him believe I did, but I hid it in my napkins.

The less I eat, the sooner death will take me, and for me yesterday is not soon enough! I can't cope. The pain is too much.

I go to the bathroom, look at my face in the mirror without really seeing it, I just focus on my eyes.

"I am Isabella Marie swan, I am human... I will always be human..." I whisper again and again.

I feel that I should just end it myself, but I can't. I wouldn't dare it at the beginning, and I am too weak to do it, now that I wish I could.

I didn't go back to school after _the event, _some of my friends tried to call me or to come over but I wouldn't talk to them, they are going to leave me as well, so better be the one cutting the link, and after a while, they indeed stopped trying. The only one that still calls from time to time is Angela. She talk to Charlie, ask how I am or if she can do anything for me. Charlie always tries to make me talk to her, but I just don't. There is no point.

I feel very tired today more than usual. I might just go back to bed. At least in bed, I can fake being asleep and lose myself in my memories without having Charlie around.

Charlie is a good dad. I wish I would be different, but I am not. I can't forget and the pain is overpowering me. "I wish I could die right now" I think before falling asleep again.


	6. Chapter 6

**I still don't own twilight, but I wouldn't mind if Jasper were mine ;-)**

**Please review! I will try to update daily, but review always make me work harder. So the more review I've got, the more update you get.**

**Enjoy!**

Rose POV

As soon as we started the engine, Emmet was questioning my behaviour.

"Now Rose explain me why we have to go to Forks in such a hurry, when we promise Edward we are never going to contact Bella?"

Everybody think that my Husband is dump because he behaves like a five years old most part of the time, but he isn't. He can be very smart if he wants to, it just doesn't happen often.

I sight "I don't give a sh*t of what Edward told us to do or not to do! Bella is going to die, and we are not letting that happened!"

He looked shocked, I don't swear often. "Bella is gonna die?" he suddenly understood "So, the vision that Alice had earlier..."

"... Was about us in Bella funeral" I cut him

"How do you know for sure that it is Bella in the vision? Alice said she did not know who it was."

"Well Honey, who would you cry for at a funeral? Mm ? Tell me know if it weren't for me, or Esmee or Alice, which woman would you cry for? Certainly not the Denali sister, so that leave only one person!"

He gasp "Bella?"

I nod. That was the only solution, he was seeing it now.

The car was going at her maximal speed and that where far beyond the legal limitation.

He was angry now. "And the f*cker said that if we leave her be, she will have a normal life! What a normal life is to be dead? Fly baby, the sooner we arrive, the sooner we can find out what is gonna happen."

And flying we were. Even if the cop were looking out tonight, they would see only a blur. But I kept wondering: if Alice saw the vision now, it means that it is a decision already made. So no accident involve, that leave what? Did somebody plan to murder Bella? Ho! Bella in what did you get involve?

Edward is going to be far over fed up once he learns that we are back in Forks! And that Bella is back with us! Honestly I never believed that any of us could stay away from her for long. He brought her into our life, saying that she is his mate, he made us accept her as one of us, we all loved her so much! And then after a little incident he decided that she is better off us; that we have to move (again!), and never contact her.

If Emmet would have done the same thing to me I would have hunted him down! Now that I think about it, she probably hates him right now. God, she probably hates us all for leaving without a world! I, myself, hate Edward for having persuaded us to behave like that, and I am just a bystander in the story. I really hope we arrive on time. Alice said it is going to happen soon. How soon? Tonight? Tomorrow? Next week?

Suddenly I had an idea "Hey, we will try to respect our promise, we are going back to the house in Forks but we stay hidden and try to find out what is going on! If we don't find out, then Edward and his promise can go to Hell because I am not going to watch Bella die without trying every possible thing before!"

Emmet looked at me with admiration and kissed me passionately "I always knew that you cared for her. It is nice to see my ice queen going all fire once in a while!"

I kissed him back quickly, now is not the moment for adult game. Ho I just wish that Alice's vision would be more precise, that we would now what we are getting into. Also, we should be thankful that we are able to stop it by knowing it in advance, I guess. I don't like it. Every possible scenario that I play in my head don't fit. We are missing something, something big, I can feel it!


	7. Chapter 7

**Can't believe it is already chapter 7! I still don't own Twilight thou! **

** Darla-Lehane: It is not, and is not going to be a Bella/Edward story. Rosalie is going to have an important role to play, Alice as well. Not sure yet if Edward and/or Jasper are going to do an apparition. And I have nothing against gay stories but it is not one of them. Alice, Bella and Rosalie are 100% straight! **

**Enjoy chapter 7**

Emmet POV

I can't believe that Bella might die! If Edward was in front of me right now, I would destroy his pretty face, one pretty ears, nose and eyes after another. Bella is our baby sister, My Belly Bear! I still don't understand how we all agree with him? We should have thought of it a bit longer.

Bella is a magnet for catastrophes. It was sure that sooner or later something very bad would happen to her! I don't know how she manages to survive during the nearly 2 months that we spend away from her. When she was staying with us we always kept somebody to babysit her, just in case...

Ho God! Maybe it is already too late; she has been attacked by a Bear or something...

"Pease God, if you exist, don't let her be attacked by a bear... or a wolf... or a mountain lion... or anything living that could be big enough. I swear that if you protected Bella, I would spend a whole day without having any kind of sexual stuff with my woman!"

Lucky my girl have a brain inside her pretty face! She guessed everything as soon as Alice said that I was crying! She knows me so well! After 70 years together she still manages to surprise me.

People that don't know her like I do think she is cold, like an ice queen, but I know that it is just an appearance, under that carapace she is all love and passion and once she loves somebody (like me he he) there is no going back, she will fight to the death for them!

That is why she is going at nearly 270 miles per hour in her new Bugatti. She is worried about Bella, I can see it. She barely speaks three sentences since we left.

We should arrive in Forks in the middle of the night, which is an advantage if she doesn't want us to be noticed. I mean look at the car! It is probably the first, and last, time that the guys in Forks are going to see a car like that! Yep my Rose knows her cars! I still can't believe that I get to live forever with that amazingly hot woman!

That make me thing that Rose and I being mate, we can't really be apart from each other, the same way Carlisle and Esmee can't! It kind of hurt when we have to go in different way for too long. That is why I don't get how Jasper can manage it, but he is an empath, maybe it is different for him? So how did Edward manage to get away from Bella? That is a mystery. Maybe they weren't made for each other? I never heard of somebody finding a human mate before. But I am a young vampire and there is lots of thing that I don't know.

Please Bella, just stay safe until we arrive. Not long now, we should be there in 2 hours. And then I get to quick the butt of whoever is responsible for that!


	8. Chapter 8

**Finally, I had some sweeties adding me to their favourite!**

**Happy to see that my story please some of you! But review please me as well, if you want to try...**

**I still don't own (sad face)**

Day X+2

I can't move from my bed today...

No more physical power and my will power left me well before that.

I drift slowly unconscious, too heavy to have dream, too exhausted to awake.

I am happy that Charlie went to work very early this morning; I don't want him to see me in that state. He would send me straight to the hospital. And Hospital I need not! Not when I am so near to achieve my goal.

Death will be sweet and painless. I will die and the pain will cease. And slowly everything will go back to normal for the rest of the world. After few months, _it will be as if I never existed!_

**Sorry it is very short I know but Bella is really on a bad shape and I wanted to reflect that. No worry I already have the next chapter ready, just need double checking, so it should be online tomorrow! If you are really nice, it might just be a bit before ;-)**


	9. Chapter 9

**As promised chapter 9!**

**You might wonder… but at the end everything is going to be fine for Bella. She will have her happy ending!**

Rose POV

Saturday morning

I just can't believe it! I had to check it myself as I couldn't make sense of what Emmet told us earlier!

We arrived in Forks during the night without any sound as it was very late. Nobody was in the streets and we did try to pass throu the place as unknown as possible. As soon as we arrived, Emmet went to broke into Forks High' to retrieve some information in the student folder. It was the first step of our plan to gather any indication on anybody having some grudges against Bella. We didn't bother make us homey as we didn't plan in staying for long. We just came to save Bella without her knowing it, if possible, and then we would be back to our life, a bit less miserable than before... hopefully!

Emmet stayed a very long time and I was starting to get nervous; when he finally came back home. He was white as a sheet (I didn't know it was possible for a vampire to be paler than death). He effectively broke inside but the information that he got from Bella's file were so alarming that he had to stay longer and to find a way to double check it as he thought there was a mistake. But there weren't any mistake; Bella Swan did not come back to school since we left her!

Apparently things happened a little bit differently to what our _dear_ brother related to us. The day Edward left her, she was found in the wood unconscious and suffering of hypothermia. Her medical files in the hospital (that Emmet broke into after the school only to confirm his fear) stated that she must have stayed more than 10 hours in the pouring rain before one of the guy from the Rez found her!

Since that day she did not go back to school. Apparently it took her 2 weeks to recover physically from the hypothermia; it nearly turned out to pneumonia! After that she became catatonic, they did not notice it until the fever were gone, but she did not speak anymore. Apparently she had also some powerful nightmares every night that left her sleep depraved. And she did not eat by herself; somebody had to force her to...

That was what Emmet told us nearly sobbing. I couldn't believe what I heard. That is why I was running now to the hospital to have a peek at her file.

And there is was, writing neatly. The little Bella that we knew never came back from the wood! In nearly 2 month that we were gone she did not eat much and was now underweight, her doctor wrote down that if she loose more weight in the future she will have to be hospitalised. He also proposed some therapy session to help her talk. She went there a couple of time and just sat there, looking far away and only responding when asked direct questions and by a short sentence. After that she did not return.

I get out of the hospital, the sun will be up in an hour, and it's going to get busier. I was heading back home, my head full of all the things that I just learn about Bella, when I suddenly decided to take a detour. I needed to see Bella. I guess I just had to see her with my own eyes to believe all the things that I just read about her.

And here I was, in front of her house.

For human ears everything were silent but with my more than human one, I could hear Bella turn and return in her bed. She was sobbing faintly. Her weak voice begging "No, don't go. Come back... come back... where are you? ...You can't leave me..." it was more than I could bear. I silently went thru the window in her room, silently noting that Edward probably did the same hundreds of times.

I stopped once in her room. Bella was there, so thin that it actually ripped my dead heart to see her in that shape. She looked miserable. Her tears falling down her still sleeping face, her hair was a mess. Her curls that were before luscious and warm, were now tern and lifeless. Her emaciated face pained me even more. That was definitely not the Bella that we knew, but where did she go? What happened in the forest to leave her more dead than alive? I swear when I get to put my hands on him, my _brother _is going to have a lot of explaining to do, if I don't let Emmet rip his head first!

And there I was, next to her, but careful to leave enough distance to run, in case she wakes up. She was begging in her sleep to don't leave her! She probably was living again and again the depart of Edward! I couldn't take it anymore; after the third plea, I just loose all my determination. I just went to her bed and hugged her, sweeping the tears on her face and shushing her"it's ok Bella, we are not leaving, we are back! ... Sleep now, we will see you soon."

She seems to actually hear me as the whipping stopped, letting her go a long sob, and she just drift back in what seems that a dreamless sleep. Well I better go back home as fast as possible, Emmet and Alice must be so worried by now. I have to tell them all the things that I learnt in the few past hours.

There is no turning back now! I try to feel guilty for breaking the promise I happily made to Edward 2 month ago, but I couldn't. We came to rescue Bella and if we have to rescue her from herself so be it!


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry, I know it took me a bit of time to update, but my life is going crazy right know, and i barely have time to touch my key board!**

**Also I was a bit upset because nobody reviews anything! So I don't know if it is good? Pretty good? boring? Please let me know as it is only with review that I can see the flaws of the story and get better at it!**

Bella POV

Day X+3

I woke up in the night again, but this time I wasn't screaming like I always do since_ He_ left. No, I was actually feeling..._peaceful?_

I try to recall my dream. Something changes... It started the same.

_He asked me to follow him in the wood and then_ «_Bella, we're leaving." As always I felt a bit sad and anxious... he says again his story about Carlisle looking half his age... and then I again understand and feel this ball in my stomach_

_"When you say we," _

_"I mean my family and myself." He answers like if it is nothing important to him, just a statement. _

_"Okay, I'll come with you." I was feeling a bit sad to have to leave my dad, but honestly I cannot live without him! And he try to convince me by any means, but at the end the truth comes out like it does every times _

_"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." he said it, and even after dreaming of it 100 times it still reap my heart. _

_After he starts to back off, and run, but this time was different, this time I did not have to chase vainly after him because he came back. _

_I started running but he came back and took me in his cold and lovely embrace. But when I looked into his eyes, it wasn't _Him_ anymore. It was somebody else. I could still see him, but his features changed slightly, he was looking like somebody else. I just couldn't think of whom, but I know that I knew that person, and I felt secure. For the first time in weeks, I actually did not feel in pain for the few minute remaining of my dream. _

_My dream was just a dream for the first time since the beginning and not a nightmare! _


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry I let you down for few days but I 'got a bad flu and had no energy left when I get home after work. But things are better now so here is the next chapter!**

**I still don't own anything**

Rose POV

Saturday,

When I finally get back home, Emmet was very worried, but Alice smiled at me with a knowing look so I guess she had a vision of me and Bella. So I told them everything that I saw and did. Emmet was shocked that I broke my own rule of not contacting Bella but there is no way I would have stayed to listen to her nightmare without doing anything. When I heard her, it just hit me that she was still a child! Not like us, we look like teenager but we are very old and mature inside. And I can't let a child cry without trying anything in my power to stop it.

We then decided what we are going to do next. We all knew now that nobody is going to murder Bella. She is probably going to die of her own will. That is why Alice never saw her be killed in her vision. The day has not been decided yet. I do believe that Bella did not want to set up a date; she was so skinny that I bet she stopped eating and is just waiting for the lack of food to kill her. Emmet did not know what to think of it, it scares him. Alice agreed with me. She feels very guilty, she left Bella without a goodbye, and she was supposed to be her best friend!

No we need to plan how to save Bella from herself.

First we need an insider, who can explain us what really happened, as Bella is not talking. Emmet thinks that when she is going to see us she will talk but I know better. I have done some medical study few times before, I've got several doctorates. I know that the only person who could probably trigger an answer would be our _Brother_! But we are not going to bring his stinky ass in it, so we will take the slow path.

After we know what really happened during our absence, we will try anything to bring Bella back to life. She did not deserve that. She was so happy before. I can't believe _he_ did that to her, _we_ did that to her!

So how are we going to find somebody that can tell us what happened? She does not go to school, and does not talk, so we guessed that none of her friends in Forks High could help us. So it leaves only one person... Charlie Swan.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys' so sorry for the delay again but things are getting a bit hectic in my life right now, so I won't be able to update as often as I did before. **

**Two things before the chapter start: Thank you so much for all the review, and add all of you, it really warms my heart to see that some of you like my first fanfic.**

** Second, English is not my mother tongue, I only started to learn it 3 years ago, so if you see some misspelled words or expressions that don't exist, please let me know!**

**Oh, and of course I still don't own anything...**

Bella POV

Day X+3, afternoon

Something is wrong... something is _very_ wrong today...

What day is it anyway? Days and date don't means anything since _He_ left. It is just a reminder of how long _he_ has been gone, not just _him_, but_ them_ as well.

I still can't believe that _they_ left without a goodbye. I thought I was part of the family.

_Harg!_ I just felt the pain again, in my chest, like each time that I think of them. It never fades away.

Pain is all I have left. It is all I feel all the time.

Except that... the pain disappeared this morning. It did during a few minutes, only to come back when I realised it was just a dream.

Why did my dream changed? It never did...

And who was it? It was not _Him_ that came back, it was a different _Him!_

I was thinking of all that on the couch in the living room, and then I saw Charlie coming back from work.

_Something was wrong._

I look at him he looked aged, and worried. He was as pale as me.

I met his chocolate brown eyes and I saw... _fear?_


	13. Chapter 13

Rosalie POV

Saturday afternoon,

I just replay in my head what happened today. It could have been worse.

After we decided to step in Bella's life again, we knew we had to talk to Charlie. He was the only one that could answer all the questions concerning her.

We thought of the best time to do it and Alice tried to see the future, but she could not see anything at all. She seems a bit concerned about it. It was indeed very strange. The same things happened earlier when we try to see if being a part of Bella's life again would be good for her.

So we decided it would be better if we go in his office instead of his house. We did not want to unsettled Bella more than she already is.

We went there, and when we were about to go inside, we crossed path with a Quileute boy and his father in a wheelchair. I remember Bella telling us about this friend of her that lived in the reservation... Jacob Black! It's probably him. And by the look he gave us, he knew who we were. Not sure he knew yet what we were, but his father did. If glaring could kill us, I think we would have been a pile of ashes by know!

We smile politely and went inside and ask to talk to Chief Swan. The girl at the reception desk asked us what was the object of our visit, and we just told her it was a private matter between Charlie and us. I was happy Alice did all the talk because I could have killed her just because of the way she looked at Emmet.

She made us wait a few minutes and then told us to go to Charlie's desk.

When Charlie saw us, all the colour on his face fade away, he was nearly as pale as us. He regained his composure quickly.

"Hi guys', what are you doing here?"

"Hey Charlie, Carlisle left us the house for thanks giving holidays..." Alice started

"And how can I help you" he ask in a professional tone, but I could hear his heart rate increasing.

"Well Charlie, we are here because of Bella..." Emmet started.

We saw the rest of blood left in his face quit in a matter of second, at that point he could have been a vampire.

"What do you mean?" he was angry, but his voice had an ounce of panic in it.

" Charlie..." Alice started, she always liked Charlie Swan, and he had a soft spot for her. "We are here, because we want to know what happened to Bella... after we left. We came back in hope to see her during the few days we are here, and waited her at school but she was not here, some guy told us she hasn't been at school for weeks now... " she repeated what cover story we had agreed to say when people ask why we were back.

He sight "Well, I know it is not your fault, you had to move away because your father found a good job somewhere else... but Bella did not take it well at all. She is like me for lots of things, once she loves somebody; they become a part of her. When you left it is like she lost herself"

I sight, how far from the truth Charlie was... we did not have to leave; Edward made us do that...

"Why is she not in school?" Alice asked with her soft voice.

We knew why, we just wanted somebody to confirm it.

He sight again "well, around the day you left, she went in the wood for a walk and she lost herself, she stayed there for hours. When I saw she wasn't coming back and it was getting late, I started to panic, we organised a search and finally one of the guy from the reservation, Sam, found her. That was after probably 10 hours she spent, being lost in the cold and the rain. Lucky she left a note saying in what part of the forest she was going, or we may have never gotten to her in time"

"She left a note?"

That was not Bella's behaviour.

"Yes, she did. Usually she doesn't but I guess with the animal attack that we had last year she must have thought it would be better for me to know exactly where she was!"

Edward is so going to lose a part of his body when I get to him! There is no way the note is from Bella, he probably knew she lost herself, and instead of bringing her safely home, he left her there!

A look at Emmet, and I knew he was going to kill him next time that we see him.

"Oh, Charlie, we are so sorry!" Alice sobbed. "If we knew that would happened we would have never gone!"

"Yeah, like I said before, it isn't your fault kids, but Edward, _your brother_, definitely did something to her. By the way is he back for the holidays with you as well?"

We shook are head to the negative.

Charlie approved and continued.

"He probably broke up with her in a bad way or something. When she got back from the wood, she was sick, and even when the illness was gone, she did not talk, and the only thing that she mumble was "he is gone". So I guess she is talking about him. She stopped saying anything a couple of weeks ago. Now she just stares at the emptiness... I don't know what to do anymore!"

We just had our worst fears confirm...

"Charlie" Emmet put his hand on Charlie's shoulder in a comforting gesture. "We are here now, and we are going to stay longer than just few days if you think that may help Bella, we could stay until the end of the year, Christmas or something. Do you thing that might help her, if we stay and show her that we did not forget about her, we care for her?"

That was the goal of our visit as well; see if Charlie would let us be a part of Bella's life again.

"Listen kids, that is really nice of you, but first you have school to attend, don't you and Rosalie are at university? You can't just let everything down because of Bella! And second, even if you stayed, I am not sure Bella would talk to you or even acknowledge you. As I said before, she doesn't talk to anybody. If you tell her to go somewhere or do something, she will do it, so I know she is not deaf or incapacitated, but that's it. She won't talk or show any emotion at all. At the beginning, some of her school mates came at home to see her, but she would not talk to them. Jacob, come over some time to time, but she only stare thou him, as if he were not here, so the poor kid is heartbroken, he always liked Bella, she is like a sister to him"

"She is like a sister to us as well!" I shouted.

Charlie looked at me; it is the first sentence I said since the beginning of the conversation.

I sight. "I know we left her, but we thought she would be ok. We never thought... Edward did not tell us that he broke up with her so badly. Charlie, you have to let us stay. We missed Bella so much. She became a member of our family, she still is!"

That is when I realised that I had to tell the truth, or a part of the truth. Charlie was a policeman, the chief of police! If something was not straight, he could feel it. If we weren't telling the truth, he would never allow us around is daughter, even more now that she was in so much pain because of us!

"Chief Swan, Bella was part of us. You probably don't know that but before she arrived in town, we did not have any friend outside of our own family, not at school, not anywhere else. People think we are freaks. Bella trusted us, she befriended us. Even our parent loved her. Since we left, we did not made any other friends. What happened between Edward and her is bad! We had no idea until we came back here how we leaving town affected her. But now I can see that it was a bad idea, for us and for her. Don't worry about university. We find it boring without friends or family it isn't worse a try. Please just let us be there for Bella. We also love her like a sister and it is just killing us to know she is not in the right set of mind right now."

Charlie took a long pause before answering.

"Ok kiddo, if your parents are ok with it, you can see Bella as much as you want. But what you will see might shock you. She is not the sweet Bella that you knew!"

I did a little happy dance in my head. We all did. Charlie would not be a problem.

We win the first Battle. But there would be many more before Bella's war would be over.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey guys' here is the new chapter, I updated the older one as well, trying to change the presentation, and correct the spelling and grammar.**

**A huge thanks to ****Matthias Stormcrow****, who is now officially proclaimed my reviewer n°1 ;-) have a look to his stories that have a unique touch. And also ****city bookworm**** for the nice thoughtful review!**

**I still don't own anything, except maybe the baby, but that if she will ever come to exist!**

Alice POV

Saturday evening

I am so frustrated right now! And I can't even shop to let the steam out, since it would make me even more miserable! What do normal people do when they are fed up?

Break things? That is Rosalie behaviour.

Hunt? That is Emmet thing.

Edward would play his piano; Jasper would probably hunt as well, Carlisle? I have truly never seen him frustrated. And Esmee would clean, and go to her garden. That make me thing that Bella use to clean as well when she was stressed!

I am really not use to deal with bad emotion as I always had Jasper to help me with it. I miss him so much, that my heart aches when I think of him being so far away from me and in pain.

So here I am thinking of how to get rid of those bad mojo feeling and what get me to have it in the first place.

The thing is that I can't see Bella. I try to get a vision of her to see what decision will be the best, but nothing. Not even a blurry thing like I sometimes have when some decisions are yet to be made, no, in her case it is only darkness. Edward made me promise not to look into her future so I didn't for a while, but now that I try I cannot see her. I am so scared! How can that happen? I could see her just fine before we left!

The only time I can see her is when she is with one of us. Like when I saw Rosalie comforting her yesterday night. It's like if the vision is about somebody else and she is in it, I can see her, but if it is about her, I can't. That is very strange. It is the first time it happens to me.

And what drive me nuts even further, is that I cannot see Charlie Swan anymore. Same as Bella, he just disappeared! What does that means?

If that continue further I will have to call Carlisle. Maybe he knows about what is happening to me, or have at least a theory about it. He has so much knowledge about our world!

I won't call him just yet because I know he would be disappointed that we did not keep our promise to Edward. But I am pretty sure that once he understands why we did it, he might take our side.

I said might because he is always partial to Edward for some reason...

I just don't understand Edward! He was meant to spend eternity with Bella, I _saw_ it! She would have been stunning as a vampire, and so happy. All of us would have been such a happy family. And just because Jasper had been a little weak at some point, Eddy threw everybody's future happiness thou the window, and make us leave her and never see her again! That does not make any sense!

When I think of poor Charlie that has been left to deal with a nearly mad Bella because of us, it rips my dead heart. They just didn't deserve this, both of them. I am so sorry I had been such an awful friend for Bella. Leaving when she most needed me, that is not what we call BFF behaviour!

But I swear that if she just allows me to be her friend again, I will spend eternity making it up to her!

And then I still. A vision is coming.

_Rosalie is sitting on the sofa in the leaving room. She is glowing with pride and happiness. Emmet is next to her kissing her cheek, they both look at what is in Rose's arm. There, is a tiny baby girl; she is sleeping, her tiny brown locks moving while she breathes in and out quietly. Then she opens her eyes... she has the warmest chocolate eyes ever... Bella's eyes._


	15. Chapter 15

Bella POV

Day X+3. Evening

I am in my bed... I share my awaken time between the couch in the leaving room and my bed. I prefer my bed, at least nobody try to bother me, and I can stay alone... and remember the time when I was one of _them_...

I try to go in the leaving room for Charlie's sake. I know that if I don't come down at least once a day, he start to panic. So I do it, once a day I come down; stay on the sofa, and look in direction of the TV like if I was actually watching it.

But I don't _watch TV._ I have my own heartbreaking movie in my head... that I can play as much as I want. Even if I didn't want to, I could not block it.

But now, I am back in my bed... I am wondering what they could be doing at the moment... they probably forgot everything about me, a simple human... there is nothing special about me that would make them remember me.

I try to stay awake as long as possible. If I fall asleep, the nightmare will come and there is nothing I can do about it...

I just have to live it to the end and wake up screaming and in more pain than when I went to sleep... I just wish everything could end now.

I don't want to sleep...I don't want to sleep... I don't want to sleep... I don't want to sleep... I don't want to sleep...

I don't want to sleep...

I don't want...

**Here is a very short chapter... I wasn't prepared to write tonight after coming back from a very stressful day at work.**

**But I am so happy to have new reviews and add to fav' that I made that one... and the next one is half done already ;-)**


	16. Chapter 16

Rose POV

Saturday night

I was there again, In front of the Swans' house.

I don't know why, but I felt that I had to come here.

I just look at the tiny little window of Bella's bedroom. I can't believe she left it open!

I know, because Edward told us, that she used to leave it open for him to come over without any noise. Is she really thinking that he is coming back? Or is it just something that she does now because she is use to do it?

She shouldn't leave it open. I mean, with a danger magnet like her... who knows what king of psycho could come around?

And then I heard her, same as last night, she turn and fight with the sheet of her bed..."nooooo, don't leave me... come back ... come back... it was nothing..."

Honestly, is she dreaming the same thing _every_ _nigh_t?

What kind of dreadful things Edward told her, that she cannot go over it?

_Eddy boy_ is soooo going to lose his unused precious member when I see him next time... I don't know how he broke up with her, but he certainly didn't do it the right way.

After less than a minute I couldn't take it anymore, and like _Edward_ did before, I jumped in the room by the window. The difference is, I wasn't watching her peacefully dreaming for my own satisfaction. No, I, for my part, just hopped to smooth her nightmare. I guess it is another piece of Bella that he took away, as well as her happiness and her spirit: her sweet dreams.

I took her in my arms like the night before. I swept her tears cascading her face. She seemed to feel my presence because the screaming stopped... but she was still crying.

At one point in my existence, I tried to work in a nursery, I couldn't stand the sweet smell of the toddler so I left after few days, the consequence should I have failed, would have been devastating. But I remember the reaction that had the kids when they realised that their parents were going to leave them. They did not understand that it was only for few hours, they thought it was going to be forever, and they screamed and cried and hugged their parent for dear life, not letting go and then tried to break the door with their tiny little hand. That memory was heart-breaking, and that is just what Bella made me think of.

Somehow in her sleep, she managed to grab my arm and it was now in a deadlock. She wasn't letting me go! So I did the only thing that I could do, I talk to her in her sleep. Very slow and sweet, like for a child, I started to comfort her.

"It's ok Bella, you don't need to cry. It is only a dream..." _is it really, or is it a memory? _Well I don't have time to play with words right now, so I continued.

"You don't need him... he is not good enough for you..."

"...good enough for me" she reply in her sleep.

_Crap_

"No, he isn't good for you, Bella. He left you in the wood. What kind of boyfriend does that? Not the good one, trust me..."

"..Mhm... "

_Crap, double crap. _I wasn't really good at that.

"You shouldn't be crying over him Love; you should go out and have fun with your friends..."

The crying stopped slowly while I was talking to her. She cuddled into me.

_That is so cute!_

At one point she just murmured

"_..You came back?"_

I checked that she was still asleep but her heart rate and breathing were slow, so all good.

"Yes, we are back Bella ...we missed you. Emmet missed you a lot, we all did. So you need to get better so we can hang out, ok?"

_No reply_, I think she is sound asleep now...

Slowly, taking care not to wake her up or disturb her sleep, I get out of the bed and left her.

I stayed around the house a little bit longer, making sure she is not going back into a nightmare. But she seemed fine.

It's nearly dawn now, I better get back home, the other are waiting for the news...

Good or bad I don't know, but at least she will have a good night sleep.

**with this chapter the storie is now more than 10 000 words! I can't believe I made it! and there is a lot more to come...**

** Thanks for the reviews and the add... continue like that and I will review very soon ;-)**


	17. Chapter 17

**I want to deeply apologize for the major delay, but a mix of crazy work hours and low internet connection aver the week end are to blame... but here it is... a small chapter coming!**

**I still own nothing but my skin!**

Bella POV

Day x+4

I slowly woke up from the heaviest sleep I had. Why are there lights in the room? Wait … It can't be the sun ? I slept until the sun goes up? It didn't happen since…

_Argh!_

I just thought of them and the pain appeared...

Wait… if the pain appeared it means that I wasn't in pain when I woke up. That is weird... Well, maybe I am finally dying…

How come I slept so long? I usually wake up screaming before dawn and I can't go back to sleep. I can't remember well if I dreamt or not... I think I did. But it was different this time... again!

_He _left me in the wood, but somebody came back. _He_ didn't! It was somebody else, like the night before. I knew who it was when I was dreaming but I can't recall it now... And I felt secure.

That person came back. He said that I didn't have to cry over _Him_, and for some reason I believed it. I wonder who it is, and why I am dreaming of that now?

I slowly reach for the alarm clock, wondering what time it is... What! I slept until ten o'clock? Impossible! Something really weird is happening to me... maybe Charlie gave me some pills and I don't remember it... No... It's not his style.

Who was it? I know that I know that person... I have it in the back of my head... somewhere.

Actually, I am a bit hungry... maybe I could see if Charlie made any breakfast... I wonder what day it is...

I went downstairs in the kitchen, and when Charlie saw me I thought he was going to have a heart attack, he asked me how I was, and I just said that I was a bit hungry...

I soon as I said it I felt bad, the poor man is going to think that I am getting better! It will only heart him more when I will die... soon.

But today was a good day, he made me some eggs and they weren't too burn so I managed to eat half of it. And he served me a big glass of orange juice that I drank as well. He seems happy.

I decided to make his day and ask him if he had any plan for today... my voice was raw and broken, for not speaking in such a long time... it didn't sound like me!

But I seemed to be good enough for him. He looked over the moon... poor man; it must be hard for him knowing that there is nothing he can do to help...

We spend the day watching TV... Well Charlie was watching... and I was mostly trying to remember who came back in my dream... as if somehow it was important, it was the key to something inside me...


	18. Chapter 18

**I want to apologize for the delays but I was reading some fanfics from ****Jinx Dodson****, and I was totally hooked, I couldn't not finish it! Now it is done so back to writing...**

**Here for your eyes only chapter 18.**

**Still don't own anything**

Rosalie POV

Sunday

Alice is bouncing around like a monkey, apparently she had a vision of Bella, just a glimpse but enough to tell her that she was better today... she just saw her eating with Charlie.

I can't help but smile, I am pretty sure it has something to do with me smoothing her dreams last night. Alice gave me a knowing smile.

So we decided not to go and see her today. After all if she is doing better without us, good for her. She has to learn by herself to go over _Edward. _After I explain to Emmet that Bella was dreaming of the day he left every night, he wanted to hunt him down. My monkey man was so pissed off!

Since we had the day to ourselves and not to worry about Bella, we went hunting.

It was strange not to have everybody with us we were used to when we lived in Forks. I could feel Alice sadness. I don't know how she bears to be far from her mate for so long!

I didn't know how to make her feel better, so I tried my only card that I had in my sleeve: shopping!

"Alice? I was thinking that as we are staying in Forks a bit longer than expected, maybe we could go in Port Angeles for shopping? I am nearly nothing left in my wardrobe, or I would have to wear something that i already wore before..."

"what! U can't do that Rose, I won't tolerate it! We have to go shopping then, this after afternoon!"

She seems already better;

haaa shopping and Alice are two syllabi from the same word!

...


	19. Chapter 19

I cannot say how sorry I am for letting you down for so long! what can I say, I have been in an unproductive period, everything that I wrote in the last month was not good enough... so hopefully it is all gone now, and the update will come very regulary...

I still don't own anything.

* * *

Bella POV

Monday

I awake again from a long and resting sleep. I know that today is Monday as yesterday was Sunday... My angel came again during the night, he stopped me from chasing after _Him, _I don't know why but I listen to him. I did not search during hours after _him. _No, instead, I just went in a deeper sleep.

I feel... refreshed, a little bit stiff, but my thought are clearer, as if I drew them out of the mud. I can still feel the pain, but I feel other things as well... I feel hungry!

I quickly got downstairs to find some bagel with a note from Charlie: _Bella, I notice that your appetite came back yesterday, so I left some breakfast for you. If you want you can come and see me at the station for my lunch; we can go to the dinner. Love. Dad._

That is Charlie, doesn't say much but always take care of the one he loves. Anyway, i decided to eat my bagels with some cream cheese and bacon. Mmmm, delicious! I missed bacon, after I finished my second one, I felt a bit sick... too much food, too quickly I guess!

After I finished to wash the dishes, I wondered, what could I do? I looked outside and saw the sun coming out, so i decided to just take a book and read outside, I went in my room to choose a book, but I couldn't find any that I wanted to read! Romance, that is the only thing that I had in, Romeo and Juliette, Wuthering Heights, pride and prejudice... all love stories, and to be quite honest, the last thing I wanted to read, I started to lose any hope of finding anything to read when I decided to have a look in Charlie's room. There I found some readable stuff, I took a book about Jack the Reaper, it was more an investigation book, all the details that the author found that pointed in different direction, but at least no romance, no love, just fact... and gore!

I took it to the garden, with a pot of coffee and a warm jumper, and read for the rest of the day. When i finished it, it was almost 5pm, and I completely forgot about the lunch with Charlie, or even calling him to let him know that I would not come. I felt a bit guilty, he was probably worried about me by now...

I decided to cook something nice to ease his feeling. I went in the kitchen and had a look in the fridge. There wasn't many things I could use, I guess, me not cooking did not encourage Charlie to develop his cooking skills during the last couple of month. I had a look in the cupboard and found enough stuff to have a nice lasagne, so I started cooking. While, everything was resting on the hob, I just cut some salad leaves to have on the side, I just felt much better today. I realised that cooking was really enjoyable. I nearly didn't think of _Him_ today...

I heard Charlie's cruiser park, while I was setting up the table, I looked at him by the window, he looked worried... but then he saw me looking at him and he smiled.

_Hi, Bell' how was your day?_

_It was fine,dad! _

He had a small smile

_I am sorry I forgot to call you but i was caught up in a book and the time flew by..._

I saw in his eyes that he didn't believe me he probably thought that I spent the whole day in my room looking at the ceiling, but I couldn't really blame him, that is what i have been doing for the past couple of month.

But then he seems to catch the nice smell of lasagne, and his look light up

_Mmm, what smells so nice?_

_Guess_ I replied not letting go that he didn't believe me

_I don't know Bella, you tell me, but it dies smell wonderful!_

_It is your favourite... Lasagne!_I replied.

And I saw his face lighting up,

now maybe he did believe me after all!


	20. Chapter 20

**Thank you all for following my story. I can't believe I made it to chapter 20! so to reply to some of the review, Bella is going to see some of the Cullen very soon, jacob is going to do a mini apparition as well to explain why he didn't help Bella, and Edward is going to come back but not just yet, and Bella is not going back with him!**

**Thank you to all the new follower, and some of you that add the story to your fav' I just love you forever!**

**saddly I still don't own anything ;-)**

* * *

Rosalie POV

Monday

I did came back to help Bella sleep in the night, really if she was making progress with, there was no way I would leave her! I just don't understand how _Eddy_ affected her so much!

While I was in her room, helping her getting rid of the nightmare, I thought of how lucky I was to have Emmet. He never left me since he turn a vampire, never even mention he wanted to... I cannot think of how he would hurt me if he left me for more than a couple of days at a time. I can feel a physical pain each time, when he have to go away for few days without me, and I cannot imagine how Alice is coping right now... maybe that is what Bella feels, Is that what drive her mad of pain?

Her nightmares are always the same, she turns and fight and return, and after a while ..."you don't want me?" ..; "the others as well don't want me."... "No don't go!" And then as always the scream "Edwaaaaaard, come back!"

It is painful to see her like that and each time I invent a torturous way to kill _my brother_, so I keep her in my arm, murmurs that she doesn't need _Him._ No girls need a boyfriend like him; he was bad for her, always deciding what she should do or eat, or who she should be friend with... I explained her everything while she sleeps, and she seems to understand my point of view because she calm down. So once I can hear her heart rate go back to a peaceful pace, I leave her to sleep.

While I was running back home, I kept thinking how foolish we have been to just take what Edward says for granted. He is young and inexperienced in love affair; how could we have just been stupid enough to just believe him when he says it was the best for Bella? And I was the first one to accept, as soon as he said it, I packed my stuff. I am so angry at myself!

Once home, I decided to make some research on the net about depression, and love break up, but it was really poor. So I decided to have a peak in some research facilities in Seattle. I kissed my man, get in my car and headed to the city.

After a day to search for anything new about depression, I was a bit depressed myself. There wasn't any miracle, because depression is a mental illness, the only thing to do was to consult a psy. But she couldn't go really. I could just imagine the first talk she would have.

"Hi doctor, my name is Bella; I am here because I feel depressed. I feel depressed because my vampire boyfriend left me in the wood after my birthday, because he thought his presence was too dangerous for me. He thought that because his adopted brother tried to drink me dry on that same birthday, because I cut my finger and ended up being push through the furniture and having to stitch my arm." Yeah, I could definitely picture what happened next if she did go to see a psy!

There were some drugs on the market to help with depression, but it could became very addictive to the patient, and I didn't want to replace the "Edward" addiction of Bella for a drug addiction.

So back to square one. Cuddling Bella while she sleeps seems to work for her so I was just going to have to do that until she was strong enough to push the nightmare away on her own!


	21. Chapter 21

Thank you for the review, it is so nice to know that some of you are patient enough to follow my story since the beginning, and also welcome to the new followers!

I must say this chapter had been a problem since i decided writting it, but I had an illumination while sitting in the tube, and here it is! I am quite please with it! let me know what you think of it.

still don't own..

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Chapter 21

Bella POV

Monday night

I was so tired I went to bed and felt asleep in less than five minutes. And then it started...

_I was in the forest, again, he was talking to me, saying all those horrible things that I already knew, and when he said he didn't want me anymore, I break down, but I still ask about the others, the rest of the family? I knew Rosalie would be more than happy to move away from me, Jasper as well, but what about Alice? And Esmee? I cannot believe that they were toying with me! They loved me! _

_But he said that they didn't care! I was heartbroken! And he was talking and saying things that I didn't even heard because I didn't want to listen to him anymore! I had something to do; I needed to find my family! I run away from _**Edward**_, because yes, I could say his name without losing control! I ran away from him, because if he didn't care about me, there was nothing more I could do .I ran away because I finally understood that it wasn't just him that I would be mourning, but all of them, I felt in love with him, but truly, I love them all: Alice, Esmee, Carlisle, Emmet, Jasper and even Rosalie, I love them, they are my family as well, and I had to find them because without them I would be lost. I knew that without them I could not continue my life, everything would stop. _

_After a long run, I found Alice... _

"_I know what you are going to ask Bella, but I cannot do that! Edward is right, we have to move for your safety, I love you like a sister, but I have to leave you." She said in a strangely calm voice._

"_Nooooooo!" I screamed but it was too late, she had disappeared. "Alice, come back! You are my best friend, how am I going to live without you? Come back... please come back!"_

_And with those words I broke down; I could not cope with the pain anymore, because she had left me! My bestfriend, my sister, the person suppose to be here for me in hard time vanished with my now ex-boyfriend and the rest of the family._

_They were all gone, I knew it! _

_All?_

_No, because in my dream I knew he would come, like he had done for the past few days, my angel would come and help me. And there he was, full of light, so bright that I could not see his features properly. _

"_You came!" It wasn't a question._

"_Of course Bella, I will always be there for you" the angel reply, and he added," I am so sorry for leaving you in the first place, I should have never left!"_

"_You left? Who are you? " I was a bit confuse, I knew that I saw that person before, I just couldn't recognise it right now, like my brain did not want to give me the answer._

"_That Bella you will know it when the right time comes. Now, go back to sleep..."_

_I didn't want to go back to sleep I wanted to know who it was! But a felt tired, so I laid down on the forest floor and just before I closed my eyes, I could see her, my angel were a she!_

_And with that thought I ended my nightmare for a more peaceful dream, because I knew that I didn't care if _**Edward **_never came back, I had her, and she will always be there for me, and she will make sure to make my life happy, and I knew it will be because she was there to protect me!_

That is how this Monday night, my dream changed, and I was glad!

I only wished I was this strong in real life!


	22. Chapter 22

Hi guy's, thanks for following the story. here is a longer than usual chapter. have a nice read!

twilight still belong to S.M.

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Chapter 22

Rosalie POV

Monday night/ Tuesday early morning

I just jump through the open window like I have been doing for few days.

Bella is already asleep, but I can see that she is having this nightmare again, so I take her in my arm as I hear her cry of pain,

"...what about Alice, "

"..And Esme?.."

"Nooooooo!" she screams! I could heard Charlie on the other room awake suddenly, and then sight... He renounced to come and see her, because he knows that nothing can wake her up or make her feel better right now.

Her breath is short, like if she was running, I can hear her mumble

".. need to find my family.."

_Is she talking about us?_

Maybe Edward was not the only one to cause her pain, maybe she liked us as much as we love her. Maybe, we are as much guilty as him to make her suffer? If she considered us like her family as much as we consider her ours, leaving her must have crushed her! Oh my god, we are sooo f*ck*ng awful!

I keep thinking of how we were really immature for hundreds years old vampire, we just did not take her feeling into consideration, but the rest of my brain focus on trying to comfort her. She continue to mumble in her sleep

"Alice?"

"Alice, come back! You are my best friend, how am I going to live without you? Come back... please come back!"

And she cried, heavy tears falling on her pillow. I am heartbroken. First I am a bit jealous that she cried after Alice and not me, but it is fair enough, I have been nothing but a b*tch when she use to be around; second I cannot not notice that her tears are way stronger when she sees Alice than when she was with Edward .Hahaha, take that prud'ward I snickered.

"Gone... all gone..." she mumble again.

And I choose that moment to caress her cheek, swiping off her tears. I kiss her forehead, to smooth her in a nicer sleep, wishing to bring her a better, happier dream.

She seems to notice

"You came!" she said. It seems to be address to me. She seemed relieved.

So I answer her in a quiet, comforting voice.

"Of course Bella, I will always be there for you, I am so sorry for leaving you in the first place, I should have never left!"

"You left? Who are you? "

I couldn't tell her, not without risking aggravating her state. Maybe she would think that Eddie is back too, and when she figure out he is not, she will break further down, with no going back this time. Maybe once she is a bit stronger, we could come and see her. I know Alice and Emmet miss her. I decided to go for a vague answer

"That Bella you will know it when the right time comes. Now, go back to sleep..."

She tried to resist, and I one point I thought she was going to open her eyes, but she didn't. Instead she just smile in her sleep, and switch to a quiet and peaceful dream.

I had heard and been here enough for tonight. I don't think she would need me for the rest of the night. She seems settled in a lighter kind of dream. So I left her and jump by the window, running in direction of the house, wondering what Alice would say about it. Knowing her, she probably already knew and it would be the first thing that she would comment on when I arrive.

I hope she is not going to take it too hard, after all she already knew that she hurt Bella deeply when she left. But maybe she didn't realise how deep until tonight.. Well we will see it soon enough.

I was running when I caught a very strange smell. Like if hundreds of dog followed the same trail during days, without washing themselves, or else. I must say it was disgusting, revolting! If I could I would have puke. But I can't, so I try not to breathe too much. But without my nose, I felt like I had a missing leg, I felt... unbalanced. I decided to stop, and have a quick look to whatever or whoever this disgusting smell belongs to.

And then I remembered, I had smelt that before! Like 70 years ago! The mutts! No... Impossible, they were all dead now, that is why we came back in the first place!

And just when I realise that, an enormous, monstrous russet brown wolf crashed into me, making me fly to the nearest tree. I quickly climb on it, being out of reach. I was pissed! How dare they! I am on my side of the treaty! Who is this brainless brat?

"I am on my land mutt" I yell.

He seems to hear me (how could he not they probably heard me in Fork central!). and then he growl at me. WTF!

"Are you so new that you don't even know how to make a difference between armful and inoffensive vampires, pup'? we made a treaty 70 years ago with Ephraim Black! Consult your elders, and then come back and apologize to me, I'll be waiting!" I continue to yell.

I look at him. He seems angry but more than that, he look beyond rage, trying to catch me, turning around the tree, trying to jump... that could be comical if it wasn't my ass that were at stake.

Then after half an hour, a big black wolf arrives yelling, followed by a brown and a grey one. Holly crap! He called for backup. I am in so deep! But I really am on my side of the treaty don't they know that?! And then I understand, the trio is not here for me, they are here to take their puppy back! I started laughing! And that enrage the pup even more. What a spectacle! The black wolf was barking to the russet one, who was growling at me, making me laugh hysterically even more.

After a couple more minute, a strong bark came from the black wolf and the russet one seems to listen, he growled but back away from the tree. He looked furious. They seems to talk to each other during a few minute. And then, the russet wolf disappeared behind the trees, only to reappear a couple of minute later, only he wasn't a wolf anymore, he was a boys, a really tall and strongly testosteroned, but still a boy. The black wolf did the same and a young man with the same feature as the boy came in a cut-off pant.

I hop off the tree, and address to the young man.

"We didn't know that a new generation of shape-shifter existed, we haven't seen any since seventy years. Like I said to the pup' earlier, we made a treaty with the precedent pack. We don't feed from human..."

"we know that Cullen" the man answer.." my name is Sam, I am the chief of this pack, we are aware of the treaty..."

"Oh, really? Then why have I been attack by mister angry testosterone here?" I point at the direction of the boy. You should keep your younglings in your house until they know of it too if you don't want any problem arising...

"Jacob is well aware of the treaty that his grandfather made...he was just chasing you for some ...mm, let's say personal questioning..."

"Right, I have never seen him in my undead life, so I don't really understand what the ... Oh!..."

I stopped. Jacob... why did I remember that name? And then I understood, in my mind I saw Bella explaining to Alice and Edward that her best friend is Jake... how can that girl can date a vampire and be best friend with a werewolf... it is just too much supernatural for one tiny human!

"You are Bella's Jacob, aren't you?" I ask him

He growl at me. really growling in human form is weird for a werewolf!

"haha, he wish he would be Bella's", said the grey wolf that changed in human form during our talk. Jacob growl at him now

"slow down pup' Blondie, here were having a laugh at you while you were in wolf form, so don't think you would look any more threatening than a doll to me in human form..." I could feel his anger, that guy were definitely unstable...

"anyway, Jacob, and the rest of the pack (glancing at the grey wolf human), would like to know why you are back. We understood that you were gone for good, why did you come back?" he asked uncertain of the tone he needed to take...

"Bella" I just said.

"what Bella?"

"We came back for Bella" I just said.

And then Jacob broke loose.

"What Bella, she was better, without you! That stupid leech broke her down, she is just a shell now. She doesn't need you. She doesn't need that bastard. You are not going to turn her..." he yelled

"You are right." I cut him

"... yeah I know ... hem, where exactly am I right? "he ask suddenly cut off.

"Well, Bella would have been better if my brother never met her, he did broke her down. She doesn't need him, and we are not going to turn her if I can help it..."

"What?! But isn't it what stupid leech do, biting people?" he ask shocked.

"Maybe normal one, but we are not normal are we? You already know that. Plus I would cross hell barefoot if it could give me back my human nature, so I will not put Bella trough what I am living if I can help it. I disagree on just one point with you; she does need me at the moment. I help her sleep. It helps her get better. We came back to help her, if we didn't she would probably be dead by now. She had stop eating when we arrived. Now she eats again, and she has few hours of peaceful sleep. But you probably know it if you were following me. let me ask you one question, Jacob, you are Bella's best friend, she told us so; so why in Earth did you not help her get through it?! We wouldn't have come back if you did!"

"Because, they don't let me near her!" he said designating the rest of the wolf.

I snarl "And why is that? Don't you think Bella need her friend right now?" I ask Sam.

"We do! But Jake change into a werewolf, and the young one are not stable, it take few years to get use to it. So if I let him go near her and he gets pissed -and that happen quite often - he would morph, and probably kill her, or at least give out our secret. I can't let that happened. I do care for Bella and that is why I order him not to go near her. After all, it is I that found her in the wood, when you left her!"

And I felt the truth in his words; he did care for her... But Bella is not an ordinary human, she wouldn't be scared of Jacob being a werewolf, she had been scared to lose him. She probably thought that he didn't want to see her!

"You should have let him see her" I said to Sam. "you don't know Bella very well, so I understand your concern, but you probably did more harm than if you had left Jacob see her. She doesn't care what we are! You want to know why we came back? We came back because my sister Alice sees the future, and she saw us at Bella's funeral, that is why we came back, to change the future!"

When he heard me, Jacob let out a howl of pain, and went away running. Sam stayed silent during few minute, trying to understand what I just said.

"You are probably right, but I wouldn't risk Bella's life. I know that if Jake kill her by mistake, he is going to kill himself, and I would never forgive myself. You are here now, so as long as you promise, on your dead life, that you have no intention of turning her, I have nothing against you. In return, I promise that as soon as Jacob can control himself, I will let him see Bella as much as he wants! He can even marry her if that if what they both want! I don't hold any hard feeling because she has fallen in love with a lee... vampire."

"Okay" I guess that it didn't go as bad as expected. Sam seems ok for a mutt. I kind of like him, if you forget about the horrible smell, and the anger management issue.

He nods, and they phased back, and ran toward La Push, I turn and run toward the house, I was sure Alice saw everything and probably had lots of things to say about it!

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so now, you know why Jacob never showed up...


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Alice POV

I LOST ROSE….

Oh my Lord! I LOST ROSE AND BELLA!

WHAT IS HAPPENNING?

AM I GOING CRAZY?

That is basically what is in my mind right now. Of course I am a vampire, so I can think of millions of things at the same time, but right now, a big 90 percent is screaming that!

I cannot believe that is happening again! I mean, once is already worrying, but twice was really not a good sign. How can I lose my sight like that... and I am not talking about my sight from my eyes, no! I am talking about my gift!

About 10 minutes ago, everything was fine; I could see Rose going back, having seen Bella as she did the other days. And then, nothing!

Blank!

Emptiness!

If anything happens to both of them Emmett is going to kill himself...

I CANNOT LET THAT HAPPEN!

So I left running, it is early morning, but it is cloudy, so no worry about my true nature showing to human, I take Rose path, trailing her from the house, to Bella's house... Bella is there. At least nothing happened to her, she seems asleep. But just to be sure, I decide to hop in her room, by her window, after all that seems to be the right entrance for our family, as Edward and Rose already did it before.

She is sleeping, breathing slowly in and out. I look at her and see how emaciated she looks. God I missed her. I have been a presumptuous b*tch to let her go without a fight, just because my brother wanted to. She was my best friend!

She was my sister. She still is!

At least from my point of view. I am not sure she would still consider me her family after what I put her through.

I know I need to check on Rose, but I need to make sure that Bella is alright now. I missed her so much. Why did I leave her? Our life is miserable without her now!

God, I even forgot how good she smells, like freesia and strawberries. Why can't I see her in my vision anymore?

I don't know why, but I feel like going near her, I missed her so much, I just need to be sure that it is her, my best friend, and not another vision.

I approached the bed, and touch her hand. God, she is warm, and full of life! Why would you want to die Bella? Life is wonderful! I have lived for 100 year and I still find it wonderful, and precious. I feels so fed up against Edward.

I don't know why I did it but I came in the bed next to her, touching her long mahogany hairs, she really need to start to take care of herself.

I was so caught up in my thought that I didn't pay attention to the fact that her breathing changed or that her heart rate increased, when I did it was too late, I look at her and she was looking back at me her chocolate eyes staring...

"Alice? ... is that you?" she murmurs

_Holly crap, what do I do?_

She stands up in her bed, still fixing me

Then very slowly she got out of bed, not letting me out of her side, she goes standing next to the door, and I see her pinching her arm.

"Is it really you Alice? Was it you that help me in my dreams?"

_Rose is sooo going to kill me!_

"Yes and no Bella, it is so good to see you!"

"Yes and No?"

"Yes it's me, and No I didn't help you, Rose did!"

"Rose?!"

"Yes, Rosalie, came every night, she is really found of you, you know..."

"Alice?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Are you really here, or is this just a dream?"

"No, it is not a dream Bella, it is me, really!"

"hooo!" and then she fainted.

I quickly grab her before she hits the floor. Trying to wake her up, without waking up Charlie, but it didn't work. She was still limbless!

_**Crap! Rose AND Emmett are so going to kill ME now!**_

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**Here is the new chapter that I promised ages ago, my life has been a bit hectic in the past month, and is still is, so I am not sure when I will be able to publish the next chapter, but be assured that I do not intend to let it unfinished! it is going to be slower than at the beginning, but you will still have your happy ending!**


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